You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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