he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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