dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
