Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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