I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
