First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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