Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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