sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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