he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize