i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
