Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Say something about gay babies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
