Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want to be your penis for a week.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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