I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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