Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
