I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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