new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
