You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
