According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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