i will never coherently bang her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
