i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize