Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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