The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
