I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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