I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
