Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
