so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
