I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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