u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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