He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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