THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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