i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
