That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
