im holly from the hills drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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