i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
