If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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