The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
