all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
