u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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