So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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