yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
