If that was your dad, he is hot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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