Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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