Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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