im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
