If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
