Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
