I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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