I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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