Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's get the cat blown out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
