He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
