So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
