help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
