WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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