She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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