Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
