quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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