some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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