I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
