New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
