last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
