My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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