Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
