i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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