I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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