Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
