what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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