Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
