is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
