I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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