my phone needs a breathalizer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
