he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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