Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
