that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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